I was supposed to blog about procrastination last Monday. I put it off until Tuesday. Tuesday, since it wasn’t Motivational Monday, I readily dismissed as unsuitable. Now, I’m back to the same post theme, wondering why I didn’t put my thoughts up a week ago. And why I have butterflies doing so now.
I know why, though. Procrastination is fear in disguise.
What am I scared of? Using the technique outlined in Loving What Is by Byron Katie, let’s find out. The trick to this being really successful, is getting really petty. Here goes:
1. Who/what scares me? Rejection scares me. Looking like an idiot scares me. Blogging and finding not a single soul in the world cares what I have to say scares me. I’m miffed with myself for being shy when I am trained to motivate.
2. What do I want to change? How? I want blogging to be easier. I want more readers. I want my posts to be more popular and impactful. I don’t know how. If I did, I wouldn’t be so intimidated, now would I!?
3. What is it that I should or shouldn’t think, feel, do? I should stop worrying about what other people think. I shouldn’t need approval. I shouldn’t be so nervous about one silly post. I should just keep blogging, even if no one likes them or cares. I should suck it up!! I shouldn’t avoid the inevitable!!
4. What do I need in order to not be scared, to be happy? I need an audience! I need to stop feeling desperate and insecure. I need some inspiration. I need to be clever and insightful and better at this!
5. What do I think of me procrastinating? I think it’s immature. I think I should know better than to worry about approval, the surest way to never get it. I think it’s annoying and I’m above avoiding things in life. I think it’s insecurity.
6. What is it that I never want to experience again? Naked vulnerability. Rejection. That feeling of being the last kid picked for kickball. Feeling like a talentless, desperate hack.
Now for the Inquiry part. I ask of my answers, the following:
1. Is it true? Yes!!!!!
2. Can I absolutely know it’s true? I’m pretty sure!!!!!!!
3. How do I react when I think each thought? Awful. I get icky belly. I get sweaty. I want to hide out and bury my nose in a book and never come up for air.
4. Who am I without each thought? I’m me. Free and full of dreams and passion and drive and courage.
Now, for the Turnaround. I take each thought and consider if it’s exact opposite could also be equally true or truer:
Approval scares me. Looking like an expert scares me. Blogging and finding every soul in the world cares what I have to say, scares me. I’m happy with myself for being confident when I am trained to motivate. I want blogging to be harder. I want less readers. I want my books to be more popular and impactful. I do know how. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be so confident, now would I!? (Should=arguing with reality. Who is to say should or should not of anything or anyone in the grand scheme? I should start worrying about what other people think. I shouldn’t need rejection. I should be so nervous about one silly post. I shouldn’t just keep blogging, even if no one likes them or cares. I shouldn’t suck it up!! I should avoid the inevitable!!) I want an audience! I want to stop feeling desperate and insecure. I have inspiration. I am clever and insightful and better at this! I don’t think it’s immature. I think I should know better than to not worry about rejection, the surest way to always get it. I think it’s satisfying and I’m not above avoiding things in life. I don’t think it’s insecurity. I do want to feel naked vulnerability. Approval. That feeling of being the first kid picked for kickball. Feeling like a talented, brilliant author.
Now I ask, could these be just as true? Yep. And the butterflies, one by one, flutter away. This exercise can exorcise every doubt demon. Give it a try.